On (Dreaming of) Being A Mother
Today I got a chance to hold my baby cousin.
He was 3 months old.
Holding him felt like holding a glass doll. So small, so fragile.
His fingers were still curled and the joints in his limbs were invisible under the folded fat. His head has just been shaved clean because my family believed it will make his hair grow better. He has no teeth, but yet he proudly showed his pink gum when I tickled his belly. He cooed and babbled and made ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ sounds that are strangely calming.
I kept touching his feet because they were so soft, softer than anything I can remember. While I was touching his feet, my mom asked me, “Do you want to hold him?” Afraid, I tried to position my hands so it can nest him comfortably. My mom placed him in my arms and for a second there I was nothing but mesmerized. His body warmth connects to my heart. The nurturing instinct inside of me was touched and at that moment I know for sure I want to be a mom.
Holding him makes me feel how surreal babies are. Or, in fact, just how surreal human growth is.
How is it possible that these soft feet can run miles in a marathon?
How is it possible that that meaningless babble will someday turn to powerful words?
How is it possible that something this small, fragile, and innocent bears thousand of possibilities for his future?
It’s a shame that we failed to grasp the beauty of human growth. We have been seeking out for the beauties of the world when the most magical thing already happened to all of us.
It’s probably naïve to decide that I want to be a mother just by one experience holding a half-asleep baby. But strangely enough, I’ve always envisioned myself being a mom.
Some people are going extreme with feminism values about motherhood but I don’t think being a mother makes you less of a feminist. As long as it’s a conscious decision that you choose because it’s what you think best for you, being a mother is an awesome option for women.
And it’s what I’m going to choose for me. I know I am capable of being a good one.
I can picture myself just staring at my baby for hours and marvel at his/her beauty. Their health is my number one concern and I’d do anything to take their place when they’re sick. Parents-teachers meeting will always find a place in my schedule and helping my children with their homework will not be a burden. Their crying and nagging will be a lesson for me and their love and laugh a blessing. I’d be willing to take them and their friends out for a swim or movies. Their teenage years will be tough but I already think of a hundred ways to cope with it. It’ll be my pride to raise a bright human being and helping them be a blessing to the world.
I’m perfectly aware that being a mother is hard. Earlier today, a friend of mine even said that ‘Super Mom’ is simply a myth. But I have to politely disagree with her. Some kids are lucky enough to have a loving and capable mother.
Sadly, a privilege that not everybody gets.
But I’ve always thought being a mom is the toughest job in the world and everybody willing to commit to motherhood deserves a medal themselves. Of course, it’s impossible to do the job flawlessly but opting to become the best version of a mother to their child is already something ‘super’. It’s an honorable title and I think hearing your child boasting about their mom to other people is one of the biggest compliments in the world.
I don’t think ‘Super Mom’ is a myth. I think it’s a title that everybody can achieve in their own way. The most important thing is to walk in the path of love.
Do this and someday if you’re lucky enough, maybe you’ll find a drawing of you by your child titled ‘Super Mom’ :)
